Road Tripping with Gav

Gav and I kiss Dave, Chloe, Nate, Saffron, Nikki and the Pups and jump into Gavin’s car and head out to Vancouver, BC to move him into his new apartment for the next 10 months or so.

The drive is every bit as lovely as the drive to Bend, OR.

Gavin and I always have lots of things to talk about. We have a very strong and, dare I say, psychic connection. As we drive along, we dig deep.  We always dig deep, not just during road trips.   There is never enough time to talk about all we want to talk about.

With Gav, I can never fake it. We don’t really ever do small talk. He is intense.  He won’t let you go shallow or pretend, which is what I’ve done most of my life. 

Gavin’s nudging is the reason I blog.  He pushed me to figure out what I love. 

Being pushed to face your truth can be exhausting but at the same time, for me, it is a blessing.

This intense passion to push people to live authentically has been good for some people in his life but has driven him away from others.  He has no patience for complacency. Many people don’t want that discomfort.  I’d say most people I know would rather stay comfortable in their safe but depressing patterns.

Gavin won’t let you rest in your comfort zone.  He won’t let you half-ass it.  He gets thoroughly frustrated if he senses you are depressed or bored or not living the life you long for.  He will dig this out of you and push you to discomfort until you figure it out.  He won’t let you make excuses.

There have been many tears through the years as we have sorted through feelings and analyzed decisions.  I went through most of my life stuffing my painful experiences into a box and buried them deeply in the recesses of my mind.  It was easier that way.  I thought that, rather than wallowing in victimhood, I should forget things and move on. 

This sounds good in theory but it carved coping mechanisms into my subconscious that were unhealthy. I lived many years unaware of toxic patterns, like an unhealthy desire to please.  I was a people pleaser to the complete detriment of my own well-being.  I went through life without any idea of what I wanted because I was too busy pleasing everyone else.  It’s a sickness.  I will blog about that in depth, some day.

I believe, If I had a friend like Gavin when I was younger, I may have dodged many of the bullets I lodged at myself in the form of bad decisions.

Sometimes it takes someone who loves you unconditionally to see you clearly. If they point something out that makes you squirm, you should listen… intently. And pay extra attention to the things that you hide from them.

Gavin reads voraciously.  As we drive along, I mention some obscure guru that I’ve read something about. Of course, he has already read the book. This always amazes me.  His wisdom is beyond me now.  He loves to share, discuss the ideas and put them to good use.  I usually read it, love it and then keep doing what I’m doing. He inspires me to change that pattern. I’m thankful for that.  It’s so strange when your child becomes the wiser one.

Gavin rarely has interest in reading fiction but devours anything to do with improving and understanding the human psyche. This is odd to me because he loves play-acting at fiction. I guess he likes watching and reenacting fiction but reading fact!

Our road trip conversation is mostly about discussing and analyzing our own traits and behavior. 

Gavin never pretends to be perfect for me or anyone.  He puts it all out there for the world to see.  He doesn’t hide from me but really couldn’t because I know the minute I see him for the first time, where he is at, emotionally.  We can be talking about anything…the weather…and I can read that he is struggling with something.  He can read my mind and I can read his.  The minute I hear it in his voice, I say, “what’s bothering you?”

He is always bluntly honest.  He isn’t the type that says, “hmmm, I don’t know, I just feel down”,  (which is usually what I say!) He is very “in touch” with his feelings and will get right to the point. 

I can usually guess what the problem is before he answers.  Gavin loves his work routine.  He hates being in limbo.  So, on breaks, he is uncomfortable with the lack of productivity.  He gets a bit cranky with too much down time.  He loves routine.  He loves discipline. 

When he is busy, he is more productive with everything in his life.  When he has too much down time, he becomes a slacker who doesn’t make his bed. When he’s outrageously busy, he runs a tight ship with everything in its place…neat and tidy in every aspect of life.  He’s such a Gemini!

As we get into Washington, we stop at a Safeway Starbucks for coffee and Gavin is recognized by a fan who calls another fan so they can snap a photo and have him sign an autograph on a Starbucks cup.  This is the new normal.

We get a tall, no-water, almond milk, chai tea latte and a spinach egg white wrap and continue on our way.

Although Gavin and I are deep thinkers and dig into our psyche and analyze why we are the way we are, now and then we keep it light because that stuff can be exhausting!

We talk about movies and books and songs we would write.  He tells me about Sci-Fi stories he is creating in his mind and I babble on and on about the children’s stories I’m writing. 

He shows me pictures of his sketches on his Ipad, which are incredible.  I’m always blown away by his drawings.  I’m an artist too, but Gavin can visualize and create something realistic from his mind.

I have to look at something and recreate my own version of it. 

This is a photo I took of my garden and my painting of that photo. I could never do this from memory!

Out of Gavin’s imagination, these drawings come…

Gavin is good at EVERYTHING. 

It’s crazy and unfair, actually.  Chloe and I joke about this all the time.  He picked up a guitar in his teen years and instantly knew how to play.  He taught himself to play piano.

He was an incredible trickster on a skateboard and could kick-flip with the best of them. He took up sleight of hand in elementary school and could fool us all! He took an interest in sign language and learned it instantly and would approach strangers in airports and chat with them via sign language.

We begged him to dance in some competitive dance routines and theater productions when he was young, and he seemed like he had been dancing and stage acting for years and stole the show. 

I spy Gavin representing the Lollipop Guild!

  Gavin can do anything he sets his mind to. 

After light talk, we jump back into serious stuff that I went through in my child hood and how that affected decisions I made in life.  Gav talks about patterns of behavior and how to change certain things that no longer serve him.  I recall how, by Changing my mindset , I transformed myself into the person I want to be.

We talk about gratitude and how different life was for him a few short years ago…

We talk about the forks in the road and the tiny decisions made that change the entire trajectory of life.

We talk about the people who mentored us along the way and the people who believed and how, ultimately, we must do the work for ourselves, but staying open to guidance from others can make a huge difference.

One conversation was about the difference in his frame of mind on this trip to Canada compared to last year, when Gavin was a newbie to the TV world. 

The feelings he had heading to Vancouver for the beginning of his first season were curiosity, the unknown. Did he know enough of the technicalities of filming a TV show? Will he know what to do on set and what would the new people he would meet and work with, be like? 

He had no frame of reference, so in his head it was all a mystery!  It was exciting and a tad scary, but only scary because he wanted to do a great job.

Last year he was still in awe of the roller coaster ride he had just survived and how he landed on this place on top of the world!

This time, it was like going back home.  He knows, loves and has bonded with the entire team and loves every one of them.  It was a whole new feeling heading to Vancouver this time around.  And, that in itself was something truly remarkable to reflect on: how life can change so completely from year to year. As we talked, I could sense a great deal of confidence, calmness and gratitude.

Last season, Gav was a recurring guest star.  That meant that the company provided his temporary housing and transportation.  This season he is a series-regular, so he is required to find his own housing and transportation. It’s a new adventure this time around and one he was excited about and ready for.

Another thing we chat about is the Instagram fandom.  What a fascinating thing this is.  It is a blessing but also a very interesting phenomenon to juggle. 

If you look at these lovely fans as individuals, they are nice people who just want to be noticed.  And this would be fine and manageable if there were a few thousand but there are 1.8 million followers on his IG account now. We discuss the fact that each individual, matters. 

They all deserve attention and gratitude and love. 

We have mountains of gratitude for their constant validation, accolades, admiration and love but, for one human to try and pay proper attention to 1.8 million individuals who are vying for attention, it can be crazy making. 

Gavin and I are empaths.  We put ourselves in other’s shoes and feel for them.  We can’t be cold and prefer not to ignore anyone but, again, it is virtually impossible to respond to this number of people individually. 

Nice individuals aside, the Fandom as a whole is a giant, thirsty, aggressive beast! Clamoring, begging, tugging, pulling, relentless and voracious.

This is a crazy and new circumstance to deal with.  It’s a wonderful problem to have but there is an ache in our hearts that he can’t give the individuals everything they want.  This can be stressful.

It’s fascinating to watch the aggressive and obsessive behavior, first hand and from a mother’s perspective.  There are many who will go to great lengths to get his attention.  I’ve had several girls email me, comment on every one of my blog posts, find me on FB and Pinterest and Twitter, begging me to have Gavin notice them. 

I’ve tried explaining how impossible this is, for me to tell Gavin about everyone who wants to be noticed, but still they persist.  I try to explain that the artwork they do, or the edit, or the video, are all important and good even if Gavin doesn’t see them.  I tell them that their work matters and don’t judge it based on his validation or lack thereof. Sometimes this sinks in and other times it lands on deaf ears.

This isn’t a complaint, but the “people pleaser” in me feels badly for them.  Old habits die hard!

For the most part, I have met the most wonderful people through this fandom. There are so many great kids out there trying to learn to communicate in this social media driven culture, make a difference and spread the love throughout the world. This, I absolutely adore!

As Gavin and I drive along, lost in conversation, we wonder how we got to the US/Canada border so fast.  The 6-hour drive flew by. 

We found ourselves at the Peace Arch border crossing when Gav was in the middle of a phone interview with the magazine, Coup De Main. He pulled over so he could finish the interview before getting to the booth of the border guards.  I was amazed how he could focus on answering questions and figure out where to pull over without missing a beat.

The interviewer mentioned my blog post, “My Son is on a Billboard”.  She says that she read my story and had questions about it.

Gavin gave me an, “I’m proud of you, Ma,” wink and answered the questions.  It always shocks me when I hear that people actually read my blog.  This fills my heart with so much joy!

Gavin expressed gratitude for his Momma to the interviewer which made me teary-eyed.

As he answered questions, the Canadian border patrol approached the car and Gav smoothly put the interview on mute as the guards told us we were in a patrolled zone, asked us what we were doing and told us we couldn’t stop there.  He finished up the interview as we pulled into the border crossing que.

As I listened to Gav answer questions, I had a moment of, “Oh my God…my son is:

A) A grown-up

B) A professional actor taking a phone interview while driving his new car that he bought with his newly hard-earned money.

C) Handling this all in such a confident and poised manner. 

D) Kind and well-versed and everything I hoped he’d be.

So much Gratitude…

Who is this child and where is that naughty high school boy who I constantly prayed would survive childhood?

That boy is now a man. 

We get through the border and soon we are driving through the stunningly beautiful city of Vancouver.

When we arrived at his new apartment in Vancouver, Gavin was thrilled.  He signed a lease, sight unseen, so he was hoping the pictures and description were accurate.  He did good! It’s perfect. 

We celebrated at Miku Sushi with some brussels sprouts, fantastic cocktail and yummy sushi. Life is good!

My visit with Gavin in Vancouver was amazing. There will be a blog post coming soon about our adventures in this beautiful city, on the set of Sabrina, bike riding in Stanley Park and all the amazing restaurants.

I am going to absolutely love coming to visit!  Vancouver might be my very favorite city in the world.

Ahhhh…road trips, how I love you.

Read part 1 of Road Trips with me and Dave on our way to Bend, Oregon and part 3 of Road Trips…this time with Chloe on a drive to Novato, California to see my brother and his wife and a little too much wine tasting!

Don’t forget to dig deep and live the life you deserve…no more faking it!

Lots of love to you, my friends! xoxo Jill